A little about me, Jeweliyana – in my own words.
An Artist MUST FOLLOW THEIR HEART
This can be a difficult path in a world that expects you to stay the same. Often galleries prefer to work with artists that paint the same subject and style (aka: thing) over and over again, like all landscape or all abstracts. In fairness to them, they are in the business of selling art and once you know a commodity sells it can be nerve wracking and unpredictable when an artist changes too much.
Rebel Hearts?
But, there are artists that it’s just not in their DNA to create and repeat the same thing over ‘n over. It isn’t that they haven’t “found” their medium yet. It may not even be that they are rebellious or not serious about their art. Perhaps for them, life is far too varied and interesting to stick to one medium or style for a lifetime. A rebel heart may in fact just be someone who can’t not, follow their own inner compass. It’s an ongoing debate in the art world for sure.
Reap the wrath - it means you’re on to something.
We don’t give a doctor flack for changing the area of medicine they practice. Life itself is meant to be an experience, not a sentence. So, if Beyonce can go from pop to country and Taylor Swift from country to pop, it seems unreasonable to insist that an artist or anyone for that matter, stick to one thing for an entire lifetime (unless that thing floats your boat, then have at ‘er) So if you find yourself reaping someone’s wrath for making a change, know that you are likely on to something good. The real reason someone is giving you flack about a change, is because deep down there is something they wish they could be doing and they're not. Seeing you do something they consider 'not the norm', just exposed a nerve.
Why do I do it?
I create because there is something within me, that flows to me and through me, that can not be contained. Some days I feel like a conduit for creation. As if something is just flowing through me and coming into existence via my hands and it blows me away like, where do all these ideas come from! I believe actually, that we are all conduits of, for and from creation itself, here to explore all that we are and can be.
It’s in my blood
When I was little you would find me creating the town that my brother drove his Hotwheel cars around in. One of my favorite Christmas memories was a year my mom was worried that we wouldn’t have a Christmas because we had no money. In my childhood innocence, I didn’t see the problem. I just said with excitement “We can still MAKE presents for each other!”. We had a lot of fun creating gifts out of toilet paper rolls, tissue paper and whatever else we had around the house that year. I remember presents being piled from the corner with the tree to the other end of the room.
Where there’s smoke, there’s…..
One afternoon, in a specialized ‘solo mio, art program’ I was in, in high school, the fire dept busted in to find my teacher and I elbows deep in the kiln doing a *raku experiment - we’d forget to tell the staff it might smell like fire. (*Raku is a pottery technique where you put something combustible like dried leaves or oily cloths next to a piece of pottery during the glaze firing when the glaze has melted. This draws oxygen away quickly and creates fabulous metallic crackly textures.
Schools Out, Reality’s In - the dream simmers on
It was the 80’s. College, let alone art school, were not on the table. Getting a job and paying your way was. During the years I worked in the corporate world I took all kinds of evening art classes. Batik, watercolor painting, interior decorating and my fave at the time, pottery. I would smash beer bottles and blue PeptoBismal bottles so I could use the colored glass in clay murals. I was in love with the translucent glass colors.
There’s always a gift if you dig deep enough.
In 1994, while helping my mother get her affairs in order and arrange her funeral, I was introduced to stained glass. She had wanted to be placed in a columbarium that had a stained-glass door but turned out that was only a picture on the brochure and wasn’t an option. Being my moms dying wish and me being a “how can we?” artist brain, the idea of a stained-glass urn was born. When I walked into that little shop in Inglewood, a light bulb went off. I was sad and excited at the same time. Like “OMG, you mean I don’t have to smash beer bottles anymore! I can just buy a sheet and cut it, sweet! I signed up for a class within days, thinking it was the last gift my mom would ever give me. Introducing me to the medium that would become my forever home.
You can be Right or you can be Happy.
I was wrong. I’ve received many other gifts since she passed AND discovered that glass is not my forever home. It was just a catalyst calling me onward in my artistic journey.
After a couple of stained-glass projects, I took a class in fusing, thought my fate was sealed. I never liked soldering and fusing was a whole new, mad scientist at heart world. I started with the usual projects of plates ‘n bowls but as time progressed, I found myself making pictures completely out of glass. Instead of dipping a brush in paint and making a leaf on a canvas, I’d cut a tiny piece of glass, grind it and glue it to a base of clear glass. Repeat many times and then hold your breath and paint the rest with tiny smashed particles of glass called frit. It’s like painting with a spoon and sand. Do not sneeze or bump the table. You had to LOVE IT or you’d be mad to do it. A true labor of love and maybe a tad mad too.
I never realised at the time that my inner artist was just prepping me for the next adventure. When I look back, truth be told, I always wanted to paint but I wouldn’t let myself even dare. There were already a zillion amazing painters out there, how could I ever even begin to compete? So, you could say I took the long, long, longer road and not the path least travelled.
If you won’t walk through a door that’s meant for you, the Universe will kick your butt through it
Painting in glass finally led to painting on canvas. You can let your inner critic rule the roost for a long time but sooner or later, if something is meant for you, it will find a way. I never allowed myself to get in the painting game. I took classes, and was constantly curious but I’d also experienced some pretty opinionated painters that I knew would not be receptive to my new undertaking. My skin wasn’t thick enough yet to brave whatever shutdowns might be hurled my way, plus I was doing a great job of that all by myself. But, I wasn’t ready to let the dream go, so this quiet little chicken plucked along.
I couldn’t justify paying for lessons but I really wanted to learn more so I hatched an idea. I convinced a couple fellow artists whose artwork I admired, to come teach classes at my studio. They made money and met new art lovers, my regulars got to try something new and I could learn while I earned a bit to help cover costs. It was a Win Win.
And then! BOOM! Universe’s Hint #1 struck
The one and only glass supplier of smooth fusible glass in the world went out of business. Now what?
I stockpiled and prayed someone would fill the hole. Eventually someone did come along and buy the patents and moved the business to Mexico but it took years and the price of glass has skyrocketed since. You could say the wind got knocked out of many a glass fuser’s sails during that time. I plugged along not sure what to do. I thought many times, that I should just get a job, but often felt so depressed and discouraged, I didn’t think anyone would hire me because I couldn’t fake my way through that ‘why do you want to work here?’ question. Many days, I dragged my butt out the door for a walk to gain fresh perspective and kept going, doing my best to keep my eye on the *prize. (*the prize being - earn a decent living from my art)
Did I mention I can be a little thick sometimes? You may have to tell me a couple of times before something gets through so…
Like a one two punch, the Universe delivered HINT #2
I injured my knee and could not stand and create all day anymore. To paint pictures in glass, you need to stand over a light table for long intense hours. My body was having none of that. I thought I’d be in and out of surgery and hobbling on crutches for a bit but I ended up in a wheelchair for 6 weeks with a long rehabilitation after. In my figuring out what to do next and still somehow keep a roof over my head, I hosted more painting classes. The more I painted, the more I discovered that, it was painting that was calling me onward the loudest. It’s intimidating, challenging, exciting and satisfying all at once. It’s you, inspired by whatever is calling you to paint it, against the voice in your head that says what are you thinking?
Beyond the Safety of Your Ego is where miracles lie.
Your ego always wants to keep you safe which means, if all is well as is, it doesn’t need to change. Don’t try anything new, you might fail or get hurt. But beyond the safety net and walls created by ego, lies a world of satisfaction that can only come from overcoming your own self doubts and discovering what you really CAN do.
The truth is, you can do anything you set out to do.
That mysterious place where all thought comes from that put the idea in your mind in the first place, is the same mysterious force that will assist in bringing your dreams to fruition…. if you let it. Your dream is in YOUR head because it is meant for YOU. No one else can see it quite the way you do so DO NOT tell anyone about it, just do it and they’ll see what you mean after you accomplish it. Even well wishers can curb your own enthusiasm for your dream without even meaning to. Ever had an idea about something and excitedly shared it with someone? They of course can only imagine it from their perspective. They can’t feel and see all the juicy details that are in your mind. Their less than excited reaction can make you doubt the validity of your own dream and then you stop focusing on it. Stay quiet you Cheshire cat, you can do it!
Message Received, Brush in hand, Ready Set Go!
What you resist, persists (aka’ it’s meant for you). So, if a ‘thick’, scared chicken can survive something long enough, it no longer feels scary or at least they know it won’t kill them so it’s safe to proceed. I think they call that progress 😊
So, with brush in hand and happy heart, here we go. I wonder what’s in store next. Want to know too? You can follow me on my PAINTERS profile on Instagram: INFUSEDARTWORK
Here’s to following your dreams! Whether you believe we’ve only got one life to live or thousands, there’s no time like the ‘present’ to dare to believe in your self and your dreams. That’s why we are alive, here and now, having the thoughts and experiences we are having. To get over our doubts and discover and believe in the magic that each of us are.
Love, Jeweliyana